Four cities into the audition tour, and we finally land in LA which, according to Cat, is the city where stars are made and dreams become reality.Â It’s also the city where Kardashians are made and songs like “Friday” become reality so…do with that what you will.Â In any case, today we’re joined by Nigel, Mary and…Tyce.Â Again with Tyce?Â Why again?Â Was I bad?Â What about Toni Basil, or Debbie Allen or really anyone else? Ugh.
Jordan Casanova is up first, and she has a “fierce” alter ego.Â Â Let’s just say it: “fierce” had it’s moment when Christian Siriano was on Project Runway, saturated pop culture completely and got a backlash, became retro-cool when Beyonce named her alter ego Sasha Fierce and has finally graduated into complete and utter camp and been claimed by the drag queen community.Â Can people please stop using it now?Â Jordan dances to “Naughty Girl” by…Beyonce.Â Does she think she’s Beyonce’s twin like Cray-Cray Starr from last night thought she was Lady Gaga’s?Â In any case, Jordan dances and I guess it was good but I’m completely distracted by Tyce constantly yelling “woo!” and “Nigel, she’s gooooooood! She’s really goooooood!!” as if he’s recommending her for services.Â Shut up Tyce, and take off that ridiculous scarf.Â Nigel’s raised eyebrow indicates that he’s ready to buy.Â Jordan gets a ticket to Vegas.
DC Chapman is 23 years old and has a pregnant girlfriend, which he claims was planned.Â Between him ready for fatherhood and Chase from Salt Lake City being engaged, broken up and then married by 22, I’m starting to feel like I’m running a little behind schedule.Â DC is doing a bunch of dance styles which I’ve never heard of, but all seem to be relatives of hip-hop and pop and locking; before he starts, he’s sure to send a shout out to his preggers lady in the audience.Â A bit cheap there, DC.Â In any case, it’s a fun solo, though I wouldn’t have put it in quite such high esteem as the judges who all get a collective case of the vapors and send DC right on through to Vegas.
Arielle Coker is auditioning for the fourth time, having gotten through to Vegas three times prior.Â I vaguely remember her…or I might just be confusing her with a taller, leaner Thora Birch.Â Her solo is excellent and she’s sent through to Vegas.
Up next is Hero McRae from Japan.Â Hero learned expression from dancing in America.Â She learned English from her “lover.”Â I am so happy she just used that word.Â It’s funny every time.Â Hero is a…pop and locker?Â Hip hop dancer?Â I wish they would tell me what these styles are…it’s always easy to tell the ballroom and lyrical simply from the clothes (Fringe? Ballroom. Boy shorts? Lyrical.), but the hip hop styles get confusing.Â She’s very good…she reminds me of Princess Lockeroo from New York.Â Unique.Â The judges aren’t sure if she can do any other style of dance, but they decide they don’t care and send her through to Vegas anyway.Â Did someone pop Nigel a valium or something?Â He’s strangely forgiving.
Next we have Alexis Mason, who’s big sister Jeanine won the whole shebang a few seasons back.Â Since the last two seasons were such big bags of suck, it’s almost like Jeanine is the reigning champion.Â Seriously, who won last season?Â I’m not sure.Â The two sisters have a nice rapport, and have literally the exact same smile.Â I actually think that Alexis’ solo is excellent in it’s own right, and shows the same kind of control that Jeanine demonstrated in the solo that won her the show.Â I genuinely believe that pirouette gave her the win.Â Cause it was awesome.Â Alexis gets sent through to Vegas, and Jeanine carries her out of the theater…these two are fun.
Next up is Patty Ann Miller, who’s a style consultant but somehow that doesn’t make me want to shove her into a pool.Â She claims to have a style all her own, but frankly it kind of looks like Kanye West’s, slightly re-purposed for a female.Â Patty Ann’s a pop and locker…her routine is excellent, and frankly I found it more entertaining than DC’s from earlier.Â Patty Ann’s also a crier, and bursts into tears when the compliments start coming from the judges.Â She then smiles through her tears, reveals a dazzling grin and has achieved the reality TV trifecta: unique, cries and pretty.Â She’s in.Â Also, I love that her name is “Patty Ann Miller.”Â She sounds like an old Broadway diva.
Our final audition of the day comes from a pair of sisters, Sasha and Natalia Mallory, who will be performing a modern/African duet.Â They give a good interview package, and kind of remind me of Hannah and Olivia from this past season of The Biggest Loser, who made that show appointment television.Â They do an interesting duet…the judges are liking it but not totally convinced.Â Nigel points out that he was surprised by how good Natalia was as she’s a bit bigger than Sasha and has less of a dancer’s body…there’s no need to point out the obvious, Nigel.Â I assure you, the poor girl knows she’s heavier than her sister.Â Mary and Nigel seem ready to send them to Vegas, until Tyce pipes in and says he wasn’t “grabbed” by it, so it’s choreography for the sisters.Â They both get through, but not before Nigel pretends that only Sasha made it.Â Come on guys…pretend Natalia got through and make Sasha work for it a little.Â You’ve already essentially called her fat on national television, throw the girl a bone.
That’s it for the audition rounds.Â Next week: Vegas!
-Mary Murphy, Mistress of Hyperbole.Â Jordan Casanova: the hottest thing she’s ever SEEEEEEEEEN!!!Â DC Chapman: the most entertaining thing she’s ever SEEEEEEEEN!!!Â Calm down, Murphy, we’ve got a long way to go.
-Has anyone sent to choreography gone on to win or do very well on the show?Â Anyone have a chart of these things lying around?
-No ballroom again last night, though at least the show acknowledged it with a little “No One Dances Ballroom in LA!” montage.Â You know what would have made up for this?Â Showing some of the reportedly awesome ballroom dancers that all showed up in New York.Â Just saying.
-Whoever the dancer was who got through after choreography and popped out and yelled “Wait, someone be my family!!” for the cameras…an invisible hat tip to you, sir.
-Contestant I Would Still Like to See More Of: Still Lilly Nquyen from the first episode.Â That might just be because the producers stopped giving us names for the montage dancers.
-Overall, these audition episodes were pretty good…there was less of the horrible auditions, though they seemed to trade quantity for quality.Â However, I feel like there was more filler, which I could be lost for more…dancing.Â I know it’s crazy to suggest, but I think showing dancing on this show could work.
-I really hope Patty Ann makes it through, if only to hear Cat Deeley yell “Patty Ann!!” at the beginning of each show.